Twilight

Overacting. Teen angst. Screaming pubescent girls.

I read the book. And I tried to like it. Really girls, I did. Stephenie Meyer's novel of teenage vampire love has been flying off the shelves and into the hands of girls desperate for a new dreamy love/sex icon since its release, and I can understand why. Its passages drip with absolutes - things every girl wishes to hear a lover say to her - and moments of pure Harlequin romance - "He paused to catch a stray lock of hair that was escaping the twist on my neck and wound it back into place. My heart spluttered hyperactively." Spluttered? Hyperactively? My spellcheck couldn't even recognize that as a word. However, having seen first hand the effect the book had on the effect of females under 20 that I knew when I first caught wind of this book series, it's no wonder they're so taken.

The film largely remains completely faithful to the book with minor changes and deletions to keep the flow at a bearable pace. On the whole it was completely enjoyable as a film. It was well shot, well edited, and though overacted, not unbearably. I did not feel like I wasted my $10 (the reaction of every girl in the room at Edward Cullen's first entrance was worth the price of admission alone - probably the closest I will ever get to experiencing Beatlemania with the amount of hormonal screaming). But what disappointed me about Twilight in both book and film form is that it had no underlying subtext, no deep rooted themes for all to relate to, and therefore felt devoid of any real stakes. Unless you're a 14 year old girl swooning over Edward Cullen, the relationship between Edward and Bella becomes so far removed from the audience that it makes it very hard to care about them.

But when the audience is mostly comprised of those 14 year old girls, I suppose we have a hit on our hands.

I'm not going to rant too much about this film. As far as I'm concerned it speaks for itself. Kristen Stewart is shaping up to be a fine young actress, although it seemed like she was directed that every line had to be said as if her angst-ridden life absolutely depended on it. It would have been nice to see some variation, opposites... real stakes... but so be it. Robert Pattinson is everything he should be, judging by the amount of pheromones released into the theatre at his very presence. He can brood with the best of them, and he almost put Anne Rice's lonely vampire, Louis, to shame. Let's just hope his ego doesn't rival his hair for sheer size.

I will say that the baseball scene was every bit as entertaining in the film as it was in the book. But really, that's what this film is: snippets of real enjoyable entertainment amidst long bouts of teenage hearts spluttering hyperactively with little to no subtext. If you want a film to truly relate to the horrors of being a teenager, read or watch Stephen King's Carrie. If you want a great modern vampire film within the horror genre, rent The Lost Boys or Near Dark (or check out the review below and decide for yourself if it's a vampire film). But if swooning over a dreamy 17 year old vampire is your thing, then enjoy your Twilight, girls. I'm glad I saw it, but I won't be rushing back any time soon.